im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
