Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
