no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
