Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
