I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
