I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
