After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
