You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
