I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
