Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
