i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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