I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
