Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
