We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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