SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
