please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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