I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
