so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
