Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
