but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
