I accidentally burped into my bong.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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