but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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