She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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