I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
