I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
