Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
