Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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