"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
