OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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