Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
