i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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