Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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