If i come over, it means nothing
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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