He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
