I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
