dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
