guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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