even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
