god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
