you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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