life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize