i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
