yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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