the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
