I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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