I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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