Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
