Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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