are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
