I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
