I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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