This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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