I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
