Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
