I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
