Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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