you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
