My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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