i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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