RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
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Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
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Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The ass gains better be worth it
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