he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
