I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
