YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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