there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
