Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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