shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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