I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
