I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
