i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
