Tell her she can't have a vagina
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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