Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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