Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
