Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
