Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
