My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
