Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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