I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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