Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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